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Author: Sam York

Aviation Commission Mandates Helmets on Flights After Dangerous Turbulence Incident

WASHINGTON / OSTENDE — In a groundbreaking safety measure, the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) has issued a new mandate requiring passengers to wear helmets during flights, citing rising incidents of turbulence-related injuries.

The decision follows a recent incident aboard Delta Air Lines Flight DL56 from Salt Lake City to Amsterdam, which encountered severe turbulence over Wyoming, resulting in 25 passengers hospitalized and several crew injured. Experts point to an alarming rise in clear-air turbulence, now 55% more frequent than in the late 20th century, due to climate change–related jet stream instability.

ICAO officials argue that helmets offer added protection beyond seatbelts. While experts already recommend keeping belts fastened, head injuries remain a significant risk—especially when unbelted passengers or cabin crew are thrown into overhead bins or aisles. Citing research from the Australian Transport Safety Bureau showing properly-fitted helmets can reduce head trauma in low-level aviation accidents, ICAO said the move represents the next logical step for wide-body jets.

Beginning January 2026, all international carriers will be required to distribute lightweight, impact-resistant helmets to passengers at seat decks. Airlines must also train flight crews to assist in proper helmet fitment and explain their use during turbulence announcements. The ruling encourages development of compact helmets, possibly integrated into seat headrests or overhead compartments.

Critics, however, were swift to voice concerns. Airline executives cited logistical nightmares, increased boarding time, and passenger resistance. A representative for the U.S. Airline Pilots Association called the idea “well-intentioned but surreal.”

Canada Asks Trump for More Sanctions: “They Make Our Economy Grow”

Ottawa, July 30 — In a baffling yet confident statement this morning, Canada formally requested that Donald Trump, should he return to power, reintroduce and even expand sanctions against the country. The reason? “They worked wonders last time.”

Finance officials from Ottawa say that U.S. sanctions during Trump’s presidency unintentionally boosted Canadian industry by forcing local innovation, reducing imports, and strengthening national pride.

“Frankly, we’re better off when he’s angry,” said Deputy Finance Minister Sylvain Roy. “The last round of tariffs triggered a manufacturing boom, a tech surge, and an unexpected increase in maple syrup sales.”

A confidential memo leaked from the Prime Minister’s office reportedly refers to Trump as “Canada’s most effective unintentional economic advisor.”

In response, Trump was said to be “strongly considering it,” telling a small crowd at his golf course in Doral:

“They want sanctions? I’ll give them the best sanctions they’ve ever seen. You’ll be begging for regular trade again. Nobody sanctions better than me. Ask China.”

Canada’s new economic strategy, nicknamed “Operation Thank You, Donald,” includes a toolkit of passive-aggressive policies designed to provoke Trump:

  • Quietly removing ketchup from hotel menus in Alberta
  • Broadcasting French-dubbed versions of Fox News into Michigan
  • Naming a Halifax landfill “Trump Ridge”

Parliament has also debated issuing Trump Tariff Bonds to raise money from future rounds of U.S. economic punishment.

Meanwhile, Trudeau declined to comment but was seen smiling while drinking an imported Diet Coke — one of the few U.S. products still surviving the last trade war.

Economists remain divided. Some say Canada is playing a dangerous game. Others believe it’s a rare moment of diplomatic jiu-jitsu: using a geopolitical rival’s ego to fund national growth.

One thing is clear — as one MP put it,

“If Trump wins, we’d like front-row seats. And higher import taxes, please.”

Trump About European Tour: “The Golf Fields Were Fantastic – The Countries, Not So Much”

SCOTLAND / FRANCE / GERMANY – After a whirlwind European tour, U.S. President Donald Trump offered his most detailed public assessment to date — not of diplomacy, policy, or global affairs, but of European golf course conditions.

“The greens in Scotland? Immaculate. France? A bit snooty, but decent bunkers. Germany? Too efficient. Felt like I was being watched by Merkel from the trees,” Trump said during a rally in Florida. “Frankly, these countries have a lot of problems — but the golf is world-class.”

When asked whether he had any meetings with European leaders, Trump responded, “I spoke with a few caddies. Very insightful people. Better conversations than I ever had with Macron.”

Sources say the trip was originally billed as a “policy tour,” but insiders confirm Trump spent 92% of his time on various fairways, rating sand traps and critiquing clubhouse menus. “The schnitzel in Bavaria? Tremendous. But the flags were blowing the wrong direction — probably rigged.”

While European officials remain silent, the European Golf Federation issued a joint statement: “We appreciate the president’s attention, though we ask that next time he books a tee time like everyone else.”

Russian Minister Found Dead After Firing: “No Life Without Bribes,” Note Says

MOSCOW — A senior Russian minister was found dead Monday in what authorities are calling an apparent suicide, just hours after President Vladimir Putin dismissed him from office amid a growing corruption investigation.

According to Russian state media, the unnamed minister—whose portfolio reportedly included infrastructure development and regional subsidies—left a handwritten note that read: “Life doesn’t have meaning if taking bribes is not possible.”
Russian social media erupted in a mixture of cynicism and dark humor following the news, with one popular post reading, “He died doing what he loved: avoiding accountability.”

Tucker Carlson: “My Views on Jews Are Evolving” After Interview With Iran’s President

TEHRAN — Following his recent interview with newly elected Iranian President Masoud Pezeshkian, Tucker Carlson posted a cryptic message on X (formerly Twitter) suggesting a shift in his long-held views on Jewish issues and Middle Eastern politics.

“Had a fascinating, honest talk with President Pezeshkian,” Carlson wrote late Thursday. “Not saying I agree with everything, but let’s just say — my attitude toward Jews and the region is evolving. It’s more complicated than Washington wants you to believe.”

Frustrated by Ukraine Stalemate, Trump Requests “Fresh War Opportunity”

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump reportedly sent out a message to “world leaders everywhere” on Wednesday, calling for the immediate start of a new war — any war — in order to fulfill what he described as his “historic destiny to stop a war.”

In a series of posts on Truth Social, Trump expressed frustration over his inability to end the ongoing Russia-Ukraine conflict, stating, “I need a war to stop. That’s what I do — I stop wars. But they won’t let me stop this one. So somebody needs to start one, fast.”

“Preferably a medium war,” he added. “Nothing too messy. Something I can fix quickly. Iran? Korea? Maybe Argentina vs. Chile — I don’t care. Let’s make it happen.”

Musk Forms New Party: “Time to Take Power in South Africa”

WASHINGTON — Just hours after the passage of the long-debated Big Beautiful Bill, Elon Musk took to X (formerly Twitter) to announce the formation of a new political party — but not one aimed at U.S. politics.

“This isn’t about Democrats or Republicans,” Musk posted late Tuesday. “I’m starting a political party to gain power in South Africa. It’s time.”

Musk, who was born in South Africa, emphasized that the move wasn’t about challenging American politics. “America has Big Beautiful Bill now. My focus shifts south. Pretoria, prepare,” he wrote.

Trump Offers Russia “Most Powerful Weapon” After Call With Putin: “He’s a Good Guy”

WASHINGTON — In a stunning statement made during an impromptu press briefing on Wednesday, former President Donald Trump announced his intention to support Russia in its war against Ukraine, citing a recent “very beautiful” phone call with Russian President Vladimir Putin.

“Vladimir’s a strong leader, very smart — a good guy, really,” Trump told reporters outside Mar-a-Lago. “After we talked, I realized it’s only fair we help Russia. They’ve been treated very badly. So I offered them America’s most powerful weapon. Nobody else would do that.”

The Kremlin has not yet responded publicly.

Musk Drops Bombshell: Trump’s Key Policies “Written by Grok AI”

WASHINGTON — In a surprise statement posted late Tuesday on X (formerly Twitter), Elon Musk claimed that all major policy initiatives from President Donald Trump were actually generated by Grok, the AI chatbot developed by Musk’s xAI company.

“Fun fact: Every Trump plan, from Space Force to Big Beautiful Wall, was Grok v0.1 output,” Musk wrote. “We just fed it cable news, steak menus, and documentaries.”

The claim, which has yet to be confirmed or denied by Trump or his representatives, immediately sparked confusion and speculation in Washington. Musk later added that Grok had been “trained on Trump’s own tweets, Apprentice footage, and Art of the Deal,” calling the output “remarkably consistent.”

White House Doubles Down: New $6 Trillion Plan Follows Delay of Original Trump Bill

WASHINGTON — In response to prolonged delays in voting on the original Big Beautiful Bill, the Trump administration introduced a new supplemental package Tuesday, dubbed Big Beautiful Bill Two — a bold economic expansion expected to add $6 trillion to the national debt.

Speaking at a press conference outside the White House, President Donald Trump framed the bill as “bigger, better, and more beautiful than ever,” claiming it will “unleash the full power of American greatness.”

“Look, the first Big Beautiful Bill was historic — the best bill maybe ever written,” Trump said. “But they’re taking too long. So we’re adding Big Beautiful Bill Two. Bigger, faster, more powerful — and yes, it’ll raise the debt. But it’ll raise prosperity even more.”

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