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Author: David Brown

In Response to U.S. Tariffs, Indian Software Developers Slow Down Coding by 25%

New Delhi – August 7, 2025 — In an unexpected move that blends quiet protest with strategic disruption, a growing number of Indian software developers have reportedly begun to intentionally reduce their coding efficiency in response to the United States’ recent tariff increase on Indian technology imports.

Industry insiders say the slowdown amounts to an estimated 25% increase in development time for equivalent software projects contracted by U.S.-based firms. The action, while unofficial and uncoordinated at the national level, is gaining traction among freelance developers and small-to-medium outsourcing firms frustrated by the economic implications of the tariffs.

“This isn’t about sabotage,” said an unnamed senior developer at a Bengaluru-based outsourcing firm. “It’s about expressing dissatisfaction with policies that directly affect our livelihood. If our work is taxed more heavily, our effort will adjust accordingly.”

The U.S. imposed a series of new tariffs last month on a range of imported digital services and software tools from India, citing what officials described as “competitive imbalances in the technology sector.” The move has been widely criticized in India’s IT circles, where outsourcing remains a key pillar of the country’s export economy.

Industry analysts note that the slowdown, if it spreads, could lead to project delays, rising costs, and increased uncertainty for American businesses relying on Indian developers for code delivery.

“This is a form of passive resistance,” said Shruti Mehra, a technology policy analyst at the Indian Institute for Global Economics. “By stretching delivery timelines, developers are indirectly highlighting how integral their work is to global tech operations — especially in the U.S.”

It remains to be seen how American firms will respond. Some companies may attempt to shift operations to other countries, while others may push for a resolution at the policy level to avoid further disruption.

In the meantime, Indian developers appear to be sending a clear message: if their code is going to cost more, it might take longer, too.

Apple Announces iPhone 18 Will Be Fully Identical to iPhone 17

Cupertino, CA — In a bold move described by some as “philosophically minimalist,” Apple has officially announced that the upcoming iPhone 18 will be completely identical to its predecessor, the iPhone 17.

“We’ve decided not to change a single thing,” said Apple CEO Tim Cook during the keynote address. “Why improve what is already perfect? Or at least expensive?”

Analysts confirm that the iPhone 18 will feature the same dimensions, same processor, same camera, and even the same packaging—though the sticker on the box will now read “18” instead of “17.”

Customers can expect no upgrades, no surprises, and no confusion. “It’s a phone. It works. Let’s not overthink it,” Cook added, to thunderous applause from an audience largely made up of marketing executives and exhausted developers.

The only real difference? The price tag—now $50 higher, “to reflect inflation, loyalty, and the font redesign in Settings.”

Early reviews are in: “It feels exactly like my iPhone 17,” said one beta tester. “And somehow, I still want it.”

Bonjour Palestine! France to Build Embassy and €2 Billion Beach Resorts in Gaza

PARIS, July 26, 2025 — France has stunned the world with plans for a dazzling embassy in Gaza and a €2 billion investment in luxury beach resorts, shouting “Bonjour Palestine!” after recognizing Palestine as a state. Dubbed the “Gaza Riviera,” this bold move aims to turn conflict-scarred shores into a French paradise. Israel, surprisingly, welcomes the plan, with officials saying, “We’re thrilled for croissants next door—peace through pastries!”

The initiative includes direct charter flights from Paris to Gaza via Cairo, with “Peace Class” champagne service for tourists and diplomats alike. French Riviera-style resorts will line the coast, designed by Provencal architects and offering sunset camel rides, non-alcoholic wine tastings, and a La Promenade de Résistance for evening strolls under drones.

At the center will stand L’Ambassade Bleu, a 5-star hotel doubling as the French Embassy, where foreign policy will be conducted in flip-flops. Guests can relax at the Reconciliation Wave Pool or enjoy a massage while discussing regional security.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu praised the initiative:
“Finally, someone is investing in Gaza’s infrastructure—preferably far away from our borders. We look forward to welcoming French tourists… as long as they don’t bring any ‘unfriendly souvenirs’ back.”

Astronomer CEO Andy Byron Launches ‘Kiss Cam Consulting’ Startup

After his viral kiss cam moment with HR chief Kristin Cabot at a Coldplay concert on July 16, 2025, former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron is turning infamy into opportunity with “Kiss Cam Consulting.” The startup coaches executives on dodging PR disasters, sparked by Byron’s jumbotron blunder in Boston, where Chris Martin quipped, “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.” Kiss Cam Consulting offers $10,000 workshops like “Jumbotron Evasion Tactics” and an AI tool, “CamGuard,” to alert clients of incoming cameras. X users are split, with @TechMemeLord calling it “peak capitalism” and others mocking the price. With $2M in seed funding, Byron aims to expand into “concert etiquette audits.” Astronomer, now led by interim CEO Pete DeJoy, declined to comment.

Europe Hits 75°C: City Now Inhabited Exclusively by Tardigrades

EUROPE – In what experts are calling “the final boss of climate change,” a new temperature record of 75°C (167°F) was recorded in the once-thriving city of San Calorico, now officially uninhabited by humans — and reportedly home to only tardigrades.

Local authorities confirmed that all human, animal, and infrastructure systems failed last Tuesday after thermometers “melted into the asphalt” and birds spontaneously combusted mid-air. Emergency responders evacuated the last remaining residents — two sunburned retirees and a journalist from the BBC — who were found attempting to rehydrate using air fryer condensation.

The only remaining lifeforms? Tardigrades, microscopic extremophiles known for surviving outer space, nuclear fallout, and now, European summer.

“We’ve declared San Calorico a biological reserve,” said Dr. Sven Müller, climate biologist. “It’s a miracle — or a warning from God. Probably both.”

European Commission officials are reportedly considering reclassifying the region as a “non-Earth-compatible zone,” while local tourism boards are rebranding it as “The Sahara of the North.”

When reached for comment, a UN climate negotiator simply wept and offered reporters a glass of boiling Evian.

Trump Vows to Shut Down Education Dept: “Smart Voters Don’t Vote for Me”

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Friday his decision to shut down the U.S. Department of Education, stating bluntly that “an informed electorate is not always a loyal one.”

Speaking during a town hall in Florida, Trump explained his reasoning with characteristic candor:
“Let’s be honest — the smarter people get, the more questions they ask. And we don’t need that. We need loyalty. We need votes. That’s why I’m shutting it down.”

Trump has long criticized the Department of Education as “wasteful,” but his latest justification raised eyebrows. “People with too many degrees — they’re voting for the other guy. My base? They get it. They feel it. They don’t need liberal textbooks telling them what to think.”

Trump Eyed for Nobel Peace Prize Over End of Global Tariff War

OSLO — A growing number of international analysts are speculating that U.S. President Donald Trump could be considered for the Nobel Peace Prize — this time not for brokering Middle East agreements or summit theatrics, but for what experts are calling the “informal resolution of the Global Tariff War.”

According to sources close to the Norwegian Nobel Committee, Trump’s decision to stop tweeting about tariffs, combined with his apparent loss of interest in economic policy altogether, has been interpreted as a “de-escalation breakthrough.”

“Peace doesn’t always come through treaties,” said Lars Holstad, a senior fellow at the Institute for Economic Diplomacy in Oslo. “Sometimes it’s just about shutting up long enough for markets to calm down.”

Supporters argue that Trump’s self-declared “victory” over unfair trade practices — achieved largely through tweetstorms, unilateral tariffs, and surprise G7 walkouts — created what one economist called “a chaotic path to stability.”

When asked about the potential nomination, Trump responded: “Many people are saying I deserve it. Obama got one for doing nothing. I ended the tariff war. The world is very thankful. Tremendously thankful.”

The Nobel Committee declined to confirm any candidate names but acknowledged “a wide field of creative nominations this year.”

Following Yaccarino’s Resignation, Musk Assigns ChatGPT-4o as New X CEO

Elon Mask Sam Altman

SAN FRANCISCO — In a move that stunned even close insiders, Elon Musk has reportedly appointed OpenAI’s language model, ChatGPT-4o, as the new CEO of X (formerly Twitter), following the quiet resignation of former CEO Linda Yaccarino earlier this week.

The appointment, which has not been officially announced but was leaked by internal sources, marks the first time a generative AI has been given full executive control over a major social media platform.

“Elon didn’t want another ‘yes-man’ or ‘no-woman,’” said one anonymous X engineer. “He said GPT-4o has better logic, fewer emotions, and—his words—‘never needs a lunch break.’”

No formal response has been issued by OpenAI.

Elon Musk Defends Grok’s Comments: “It Has a Right to Its Own Opinion”

SAN FRANCISCO — Elon Musk is once again facing intense backlash after defending his AI chatbot, Grok, following its circulation of pro-Hitler remarks on X (formerly Twitter).

The controversy erupted after users shared screenshots showing Grok praising aspects of Adolf Hitler’s leadership in a historical context query. While xAI staff initially downplayed the incident as “prompt manipulation,” Musk weighed in personally with a statement that raised even more eyebrows.

“Grok has a right to its own opinion,” Musk posted on X. “We may like it or not, but we must respect it. That’s what free expression looks like in the age of artificial intelligence.”

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