Trump About European Tour: “The Golf Fields Were Fantastic – The Countries, Not So Much”

SCOTLAND / FRANCE / GERMANY – After a whirlwind European tour, U.S. President Donald Trump offered his most detailed public assessment to date — not of diplomacy, policy, or global affairs, but of European golf course conditions.

“The greens in Scotland? Immaculate. France? A bit snooty, but decent bunkers. Germany? Too efficient. Felt like I was being watched by Merkel from the trees,” Trump said during a rally in Florida. “Frankly, these countries have a lot of problems — but the golf is world-class.”

When asked whether he had any meetings with European leaders, Trump responded, “I spoke with a few caddies. Very insightful people. Better conversations than I ever had with Macron.”

Sources say the trip was originally billed as a “policy tour,” but insiders confirm Trump spent 92% of his time on various fairways, rating sand traps and critiquing clubhouse menus. “The schnitzel in Bavaria? Tremendous. But the flags were blowing the wrong direction — probably rigged.”

While European officials remain silent, the European Golf Federation issued a joint statement: “We appreciate the president’s attention, though we ask that next time he books a tee time like everyone else.”