EU Parliament Forms 17 New Russia Sanctions Committees, Ukraine-Russia War to End by Thursday

BRUSSELS — The European Parliament has announced the creation of 17 new committees tasked with drafting sanctions against Russia. Officials confidently predicting that this latest wave of bureaucracy will decisively end the war in Ukraine by Thursday.

Lawmakers in Strasbourg called the move “the most efficient weapon in Europe’s arsenal.” Members of Parliament described the committees as a breakthrough in diplomatic strategy, arguing that multiplying paperwork and meetings would leave Moscow with “no economic oxygen.”

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen praised the initiative, saying the “sheer administrative firepower” of so many committees working in parallel would finally crack Russian resilience.

While NATO continues military support for Kyiv, Brussels insists the true victory will come from structured agendas, lengthy hearings, and detailed subcommittee reports. “This is Europe’s way of showing strength,” one official said.

Analysts note that the EU has already imposed multiple rounds of sanctions targeting finance, energy, and trade since 2022, but the formation of 17 additional committees elevates the effort to a new bureaucratic scale.

Whether the war will actually end by Thursday remains unclear, but European leaders maintain their optimism. “Committees are our missiles,” one Parliament member declared.