Washington, D.C., August 28, 2025 — President Donald Trump announced today a bold directive for his administration: locate three additional wars to end, claiming this will secure him the Nobel Peace Prize. Speaking at a Mar-a-Lago press conference, Trump boasted he already “ended seven wars, more than anybody ever,” though he provided no specifics. His…
WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump announced a proposal to replace the American democratic system with a monarchy, calling it a “bold solution” to restore national greatness. Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, Trump argued that hereditary rule offers stability, efficiency, and “a lot less fake news.” In remarks Trump said that democracy has…
BRUSSELS — The European Parliament has announced the creation of 17 new committees tasked with drafting sanctions against Russia. Officials confidently predicting that this latest wave of bureaucracy will decisively end the war in Ukraine by Thursday. Lawmakers in Strasbourg called the move “the most efficient weapon in Europe’s arsenal.” Members of Parliament described the…
MANHATTAN – Russian intelligence operatives obtained classified Jeffrey Epstein court documents after a federal judge accidentally left them on a Central Park bench Tuesday morning, according to FBI sources familiar with the investigation. U.S. District Judge Alison Nathan reportedly forgot the sealed files during her routine jog through the park. A jogger discovered the manila…
In an unexpected policy shift, the U.S. Treasury announced it will no longer publish the national debt figures, citing growing concerns over public anxiety. Officials say the decision aims to protect citizens from “needless stress” triggered by seeing the debt ticker rise daily. The national debt, which previously appeared on the official Treasury Department website,…
MONTREAL, Canada – Adult entertainment giant Pornhub announced in its quarterly earnings report that VPN subscription services now account for 67% of total company profits, marking a dramatic shift from its traditional advertising-based revenue model. The company’s “HubVPN” service generated $127 million in Q3 2025, while traditional adult content advertising contributed only $63 million during…
CANBERRA – Days after officially recognizing the State of Palestine, the Australian government has surprised the international community by granting sovereign state status to the Himba people of northern Namibia. Foreign Minister Penny Wong announced the decision during a press briefing at Parliament House, calling it “a bold step in cultural diplomacy.” According to Wong,…
ANCHORAGE, Alaska — Approximately 200 demonstrators gathered outside the Alaska State Capitol on Saturday, waving Russian flags and demanding the immediate “return” of Alaska to Moscow’s control. The rally marks a dramatic shift for Alaska’s independence movement, which traditionally sought complete sovereignty rather than reunification with Russia. “We’ve been American for 157 years, and look…
SAN FRANCISCO — OpenAI launched Tuesday its most provocative offering yet: ChatGPT Savage, a $49 monthly subscription delivering personalized insults to users who find intense pleasure in AI-powered degradation. The premium service taps into a surprisingly large market of consumers seeking digital humiliation for pure enjoyment. Beta testing revealed 92% user satisfaction, with subscribers describing…
President Donald Trump has unveiled a nationwide policy that will require all public school students to learn golf starting in the 2026 academic year. Trump described the initiative as “the biggest upgrade to American education since the invention of recess.” According to the White House press release, the plan will replace traditional physical education classes…
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