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Macron Celebrates Happiness Rise

Macron Notes Rise in Palestinian Happiness Index Following State Recognition

French President Emmanuel Macron announced Tuesday that Palestine’s national happiness index has increased by 12.7% since France formally recognized Palestinian statehood last month. The Élysée Palace released the findings during Macron’s weekly press briefing in Paris.

“We observe measurable improvements in Palestinian well-being metrics,” Macron told reporters. The French National Institute of Statistics and Economic Studies (INSEE) compiled the data using its standard happiness measurement protocols. The institute surveyed 2,400 Palestinian residents across the West Bank and Gaza Strip between August 15 and September 10.

Palestinian Prime Minister Mohammad Mustafa welcomed the French analysis during a phone call with Macron on Monday evening. “This recognition validates our people’s aspirations for dignity and self-determination,” Mustafa stated in a press release from his Ramallah office.

Greta Thunberg Appointed as Palestine’s Foreign Minister

The Palestinian Authority confirmed today the appointment of Greta Thunberg as Minister of Foreign Affairs. The decision follows a cabinet reshuffle in Ramallah approved by President Mahmoud Abbas.

Thunberg will oversee international relations and represent Palestine in diplomatic negotiations. According to the Palestinian Ministry of Foreign Affairs, her priorities include strengthening ties with European governments, advancing environmental cooperation, and continuing talks with regional partners.

Abbas praised Thunberg’s global voice. He called her a fresh force for diplomacy. Thunberg, 22, rose to fame with school strikes for climate action. She now pledges to fuse environmental advocacy with Middle East peace efforts. “World leaders must face facts,” Thunberg said at a Ramallah press event. “Climate crisis fuels conflicts. Palestine leads the charge. “The Palestinian Ministry of Foreign Affairs hailed the pick. Officials expect Thunberg to rally youth at the United Nations.

Trump Predicts

Trump Forecasts Global Politics: “Nothing Excluded, Including Nothing”

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump offered his most comprehensive foreign policy outlook yet during a Tuesday press conference, declaring that his administration’s approach to international relations excludes nothing, “including nothing itself.”

The President made the remarks while addressing reporters’ questions about his strategy for managing relationships with key allies and adversaries. “We’re looking at everything,” Trump said from the White House Rose Garden. “Every option remains on the table. Nothing gets excluded, and that includes nothing.”

Secretary of State Marco Rubio, standing alongside the President, nodded approvingly as Trump expanded on his diplomatic philosophy. “When I say we exclude nothing, I mean we literally exclude nothing,” the President emphasized. “Even the concept of nothing stays in play.”

Euro Commission Buys Paper

European Commission Buys Extra Office Paper to Respond to Russian Drones in Poland with Protest Notes

BRUSSELS — The European Commission has authorized an emergency purchase of office paper after Russian drones crossed into Polish airspace this week. Officials said the additional supplies will ensure the EU can continue issuing formal protest notes at “full capacity.”

The decision followed late-night discussions at the Berlaymont building. A Commission spokesperson admitted that existing stockpiles of A4 were “stretched thin” after a wave of urgent condemnations in recent months.

President Ursula von der Leyen highlighted the symbolic power of documentation. “Every sheet we send to Moscow proves our unity. Paper is the foundation of our response,” she said.

The Directorate-General for Budget confirmed that suppliers from Belgium will deliver the first pallets of paper by Friday. Officials assured journalists that the cost will not reduce funds for other EU programs.

For official EU statements, visit the European Commission and EEAS newsroom.

Trump Putin

Trump Says Russia Presents No Issue Unless It Invades Czech Republic

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump outlined his administration’s foreign policy stance regarding Russia during a White House press briefing Tuesday, declaring that Moscow poses no threat to American interests unless it invades the Czech Republic.

“Russia has been tremendous, absolutely tremendous,” Trump told reporters in the Rose Garden. “Putin calls me, we talk, everything’s beautiful. I see no problems whatsoever unless they march into Prague.”

“Look, everyone talks about 1939, about Germany,” Trump continued. “That was bad, very bad. But Putin isn’t doing that exact same thing, so we’re good.”

The Czech Republic, a NATO member since 1999, has not requested additional security guarantees from the United States. Czech Prime Minister Petr Fiala’s office declined to comment on Trump’s remarks.

Russian Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova dismissed Trump’s comments as “typical American rhetoric” during her weekly press briefing in Moscow.

Putin Modi Xi

Eternal Rulers Club: China, Russia, India Launch “League of Dictatorship States”

BEIJING — Leaders from China, Russia, and India gathered in Beijing to announce the creation of a new alliance, informally dubbed the “League of Dictatorship States.” Officials at the summit said the group’s purpose is to secure their governments from U.S. influence and extend personal authority indefinitely.

Xi Jinping outlined the organization’s core principles during his keynote address. “Eternal leadership ensures stability,” the Chinese president explained while standing beside a 12-foot golden statue of himself. “Term limits represent chaos and inefficiency.” Russian President Vladimir Putin added that the league would guarantee “eternal stability” for member nations. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi stood alongside them, declaring that strong leadership should not be “timed by electoral cycles.”

Critics inside and outside the region argue that the league is designed less for stability and more for consolidating elite control. Supporters, however, framed it as a defensive measure against what they described as “foreign interference.”

The league seeks new members soon. Brazil shows interest. South Africa may follow.

Donald Trump

Trump Directs Administration to Locate 3 Additional Wars to End, Says ‘Nobel Committee Will Have No Choice’

Washington, D.C., August 28, 2025 — President Donald Trump announced today a bold directive for his administration: locate three additional wars to end, claiming this will secure him the Nobel Peace Prize. Speaking at a Mar-a-Lago press conference, Trump boasted he already “ended seven wars, more than anybody ever,” though he provided no specifics. His new goal, he says, is to hit a “nice, round 10” to ensure the Nobel Committee has “no choice” but to award him.

The directive has left Pentagon officials and the State Department scrambling. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin admitted the challenge, noting, “We’re combing through global conflict zones, but finding active wars to end is tougher than expected.” Sources confirm analysts are reviewing regions like Yemen and Syria, but no clear candidates have emerged. Trump suggested his team “get creative” and look into “small, forgotten skirmishes” or even “online wars” on platforms like X.

Critics question the feasibility. “He’s treating geopolitics like a reality show,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren. Trump remains undeterred, tweeting from his Truth Social account, “Nobel’s coming, folks! Three more, and I’m the greatest peacemaker ever!”

The search continues, with aides reportedly briefing Trump daily. Whether he finds those elusive wars remains uncertain.

American Monarchy

Trump Proposes Constitutional Reform to Establish Monarchy in the United States

WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump announced a proposal to replace the American democratic system with a monarchy, calling it a “bold solution” to restore national greatness. Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, Trump argued that hereditary rule offers stability, efficiency, and “a lot less fake news.”

In remarks Trump said that democracy has become “too messy” and “too slow” for modern challenges. He suggested that adopting a monarchy would eliminate partisan gridlock and allow leaders to “focus on winning instead of whining.”

Legal scholars immediately noted that the U.S. Constitution prohibits such a shift. Article IV, Section 4 guarantees a republican form of government for every state. Trump, however, dismissed objections, insisting that the Constitution has been amended before and “could use a little freshening up.”

Political analysts compared Trump’s comments to historical monarchies in the United Kingdom and Saudi Arabia. While critics warned of authoritarian overreach, supporters at the event cheered and chanted, “Hail to the King.”

Ursula Metrz

EU Parliament Forms 17 New Russia Sanctions Committees, Ukraine-Russia War to End by Thursday

BRUSSELS — The European Parliament has announced the creation of 17 new committees tasked with drafting sanctions against Russia. Officials confidently predicting that this latest wave of bureaucracy will decisively end the war in Ukraine by Thursday.

Lawmakers in Strasbourg called the move “the most efficient weapon in Europe’s arsenal.” Members of Parliament described the committees as a breakthrough in diplomatic strategy, arguing that multiplying paperwork and meetings would leave Moscow with “no economic oxygen.”

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen praised the initiative, saying the “sheer administrative firepower” of so many committees working in parallel would finally crack Russian resilience.

While NATO continues military support for Kyiv, Brussels insists the true victory will come from structured agendas, lengthy hearings, and detailed subcommittee reports. “This is Europe’s way of showing strength,” one official said.

Analysts note that the EU has already imposed multiple rounds of sanctions targeting finance, energy, and trade since 2022, but the formation of 17 additional committees elevates the effort to a new bureaucratic scale.

Whether the war will actually end by Thursday remains unclear, but European leaders maintain their optimism. “Committees are our missiles,” one Parliament member declared.

Putin Epstein

Russians Obtain Epstein Files; Putin Jokes About Replying to Melania’s Letter

MANHATTAN – Russian intelligence operatives obtained classified Jeffrey Epstein court documents after a federal judge accidentally left them on a Central Park bench Tuesday morning, according to FBI sources familiar with the investigation.

U.S. District Judge Alison Nathan reportedly forgot the sealed files during her routine jog through the park. A jogger discovered the manila folder near Bethesda Fountain around 8:30 AM and contacted park authorities.

However, surveillance footage shows two men in tracksuits retrieving the documents minutes earlier. The FBI’s Counterintelligence Division identified them as operatives from Russia’s SVR foreign intelligence service.

“This represents an unprecedented security breach,” said former CIA Director John Brennan during a CNN interview Wednesday. “Leaving classified materials in public spaces violates basic protocol.”

President Vladimir Putin referenced the incident during a meeting with Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov at the Kremlin. Three Russian officials confirmed Putin made jokes about the documents’ contents.

“Vladimir Vladimirovich laughed and said he finally has interesting material for his correspondence,” one source told Reuters. The source suggested Putin referenced previous letters from First Lady Melania Trump.

Legal experts called the incident embarrassing for the federal judiciary. “Judges receive extensive training on classified material security,” said Professor Jonathan Turley from George Washington University Law School.

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