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Low-cost Airlines Now Weigh Travelers Together With Luggage to Ensure “Fair Fares”

Several budget airlines have announced a controversial new policy: passengers and their luggage will now be weighed together before boarding. The measure, according to International Budget Airlines Association representatives, aims to create “a more efficient and fair ticket pricing model.”

Under the new system, travelers will step onto industrial-size scales with their carry-ons and checked bags. Fares will adjust in real time based on the combined weight. Airlines claim this approach eliminates hidden baggage fees and encourages customers to “fly lighter”.

One airline executive told CNN Travel that the change could cut fuel costs by as much as 12% annually. “It’s a win-win. We save on fuel, passengers save if they skip dessert,” he said.

Critics argue the policy discriminates against heavier individuals and could lead to public embarrassment at the gate. Passenger rights groups, including the Air Travelers Alliance, have already signaled plans for legal challenges.

Airlines defend the measure by pointing to cargo shipping standards, where total weight is the key cost factor. “Planes don’t care if it’s suitcases or sandwiches — weight is weight,” one spokesperson told Reuters.

The first rollout is scheduled for early summer, starting at select airports in Florida. Industry insiders predict that other low-cost carriers will quickly follow if the program proves profitable.

Truth Social

U.S. Announces 2028 Presidential Election to Be Hosted Exclusively on Truth Social

The Federal Election Commission announced today that the 2028 U.S. presidential election will take place entirely within the Truth Social app. Officials describe the move as a “modern leap into digital democracy.” Critics call it “a recipe for chaos” (Washington Post report).

Voters will cast ballots by liking their preferred candidate’s latest post. Political debates will occur in the comment sections, where moderators will favor users who type in all caps the fastest.

To register, citizens must upload a profile photo and select a personal “favorite conspiracy theory” as a security question. The measure is intended, according to officials, to “enhance user authenticity”.

Concerns remain about access for citizens without smartphones or internet connections. Election planners insist that participation will be nationwide and secure. As a precaution, they have arranged a backup system: if Truth Social fails, the entire election will shift to MySpace.

Many Americans welcome the change, citing convenience. Others warn that moving the nation’s highest office into a social media comment thread might be remembered as democracy’s boldest — or strangest — experiment.

Young Americans Complain ChatGPT Isn’t Delivering Profits as Expected

August 7, 2025 — New York

A growing number of young Americans are voicing frustration with the financial returns they expected from using ChatGPT. Once seen as a tool to unlock easy income through content creation, business automation, and side hustles, the AI chatbot is now facing backlash from users who say the hype hasn’t matched reality.

Social media platforms like TikTok and Reddit are seeing a rise in complaints. Posts feature users claiming they invested hours learning prompts, launching AI-powered blogs, and experimenting with dropshipping—only to see little or no profit.

“I thought I’d be making passive income by now,” said 22-year-old Jake Thompson, who spent three months building an affiliate site using AI tools. “Instead, I’m just stuck in a loop of tweaking prompts and watching traffic trickle in.”

Analysts say the disillusionment stems not from the tool itself but from inflated expectations. “People assume AI will replace effort,” said tech strategist Dana Ellis. “But AI is a tool, not a business model.”

Despite the noise online, usage of ChatGPT remains high. OpenAI has not commented on the trend, but continues to promote responsible and creative applications of its technology.

For now, the dream of AI-fueled wealth remains just that—for many, a dream still waiting to pay off.

In Response to U.S. Tariffs, Indian Software Developers Slow Down Coding by 25%

New Delhi – August 7, 2025 — In an unexpected move that blends quiet protest with strategic disruption, a growing number of Indian software developers have reportedly begun to intentionally reduce their coding efficiency in response to the United States’ recent tariff increase on Indian technology imports.

Industry insiders say the slowdown amounts to an estimated 25% increase in development time for equivalent software projects contracted by U.S.-based firms. The action, while unofficial and uncoordinated at the national level, is gaining traction among freelance developers and small-to-medium outsourcing firms frustrated by the economic implications of the tariffs.

“This isn’t about sabotage,” said an unnamed senior developer at a Bengaluru-based outsourcing firm. “It’s about expressing dissatisfaction with policies that directly affect our livelihood. If our work is taxed more heavily, our effort will adjust accordingly.”

The U.S. imposed a series of new tariffs last month on a range of imported digital services and software tools from India, citing what officials described as “competitive imbalances in the technology sector.” The move has been widely criticized in India’s IT circles, where outsourcing remains a key pillar of the country’s export economy.

Industry analysts note that the slowdown, if it spreads, could lead to project delays, rising costs, and increased uncertainty for American businesses relying on Indian developers for code delivery.

“This is a form of passive resistance,” said Shruti Mehra, a technology policy analyst at the Indian Institute for Global Economics. “By stretching delivery timelines, developers are indirectly highlighting how integral their work is to global tech operations — especially in the U.S.”

It remains to be seen how American firms will respond. Some companies may attempt to shift operations to other countries, while others may push for a resolution at the policy level to avoid further disruption.

In the meantime, Indian developers appear to be sending a clear message: if their code is going to cost more, it might take longer, too.

Aviation Commission Mandates Helmets on Flights After Dangerous Turbulence Incident

WASHINGTON / OSTENDE — In a groundbreaking safety measure, the International Civil Aviation Organization (ICAO) has issued a new mandate requiring passengers to wear helmets during flights, citing rising incidents of turbulence-related injuries.

The decision follows a recent incident aboard Delta Air Lines Flight DL56 from Salt Lake City to Amsterdam, which encountered severe turbulence over Wyoming, resulting in 25 passengers hospitalized and several crew injured. Experts point to an alarming rise in clear-air turbulence, now 55% more frequent than in the late 20th century, due to climate change–related jet stream instability.

ICAO officials argue that helmets offer added protection beyond seatbelts. While experts already recommend keeping belts fastened, head injuries remain a significant risk—especially when unbelted passengers or cabin crew are thrown into overhead bins or aisles. Citing research from the Australian Transport Safety Bureau showing properly-fitted helmets can reduce head trauma in low-level aviation accidents, ICAO said the move represents the next logical step for wide-body jets.

Beginning January 2026, all international carriers will be required to distribute lightweight, impact-resistant helmets to passengers at seat decks. Airlines must also train flight crews to assist in proper helmet fitment and explain their use during turbulence announcements. The ruling encourages development of compact helmets, possibly integrated into seat headrests or overhead compartments.

Critics, however, were swift to voice concerns. Airline executives cited logistical nightmares, increased boarding time, and passenger resistance. A representative for the U.S. Airline Pilots Association called the idea “well-intentioned but surreal.”

Bonjour Palestine! France to Build Embassy and €2 Billion Beach Resorts in Gaza

PARIS, July 26, 2025 — France has stunned the world with plans for a dazzling embassy in Gaza and a €2 billion investment in luxury beach resorts, shouting “Bonjour Palestine!” after recognizing Palestine as a state. Dubbed the “Gaza Riviera,” this bold move aims to turn conflict-scarred shores into a French paradise. Israel, surprisingly, welcomes the plan, with officials saying, “We’re thrilled for croissants next door—peace through pastries!”

The initiative includes direct charter flights from Paris to Gaza via Cairo, with “Peace Class” champagne service for tourists and diplomats alike. French Riviera-style resorts will line the coast, designed by Provencal architects and offering sunset camel rides, non-alcoholic wine tastings, and a La Promenade de Résistance for evening strolls under drones.

At the center will stand L’Ambassade Bleu, a 5-star hotel doubling as the French Embassy, where foreign policy will be conducted in flip-flops. Guests can relax at the Reconciliation Wave Pool or enjoy a massage while discussing regional security.

Israeli Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu praised the initiative:
“Finally, someone is investing in Gaza’s infrastructure—preferably far away from our borders. We look forward to welcoming French tourists… as long as they don’t bring any ‘unfriendly souvenirs’ back.”

Astronomer CEO Andy Byron Launches ‘Kiss Cam Consulting’ Startup

After his viral kiss cam moment with HR chief Kristin Cabot at a Coldplay concert on July 16, 2025, former Astronomer CEO Andy Byron is turning infamy into opportunity with “Kiss Cam Consulting.” The startup coaches executives on dodging PR disasters, sparked by Byron’s jumbotron blunder in Boston, where Chris Martin quipped, “Either they’re having an affair or they’re just very shy.” Kiss Cam Consulting offers $10,000 workshops like “Jumbotron Evasion Tactics” and an AI tool, “CamGuard,” to alert clients of incoming cameras. X users are split, with @TechMemeLord calling it “peak capitalism” and others mocking the price. With $2M in seed funding, Byron aims to expand into “concert etiquette audits.” Astronomer, now led by interim CEO Pete DeJoy, declined to comment.

Europe Hits 75°C: City Now Inhabited Exclusively by Tardigrades

EUROPE – In what experts are calling “the final boss of climate change,” a new temperature record of 75°C (167°F) was recorded in the once-thriving city of San Calorico, now officially uninhabited by humans — and reportedly home to only tardigrades.

Local authorities confirmed that all human, animal, and infrastructure systems failed last Tuesday after thermometers “melted into the asphalt” and birds spontaneously combusted mid-air. Emergency responders evacuated the last remaining residents — two sunburned retirees and a journalist from the BBC — who were found attempting to rehydrate using air fryer condensation.

The only remaining lifeforms? Tardigrades, microscopic extremophiles known for surviving outer space, nuclear fallout, and now, European summer.

“We’ve declared San Calorico a biological reserve,” said Dr. Sven Müller, climate biologist. “It’s a miracle — or a warning from God. Probably both.”

European Commission officials are reportedly considering reclassifying the region as a “non-Earth-compatible zone,” while local tourism boards are rebranding it as “The Sahara of the North.”

When reached for comment, a UN climate negotiator simply wept and offered reporters a glass of boiling Evian.

Trump Vows to Shut Down Education Dept: “Smart Voters Don’t Vote for Me”

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced Friday his decision to shut down the U.S. Department of Education, stating bluntly that “an informed electorate is not always a loyal one.”

Speaking during a town hall in Florida, Trump explained his reasoning with characteristic candor:
“Let’s be honest — the smarter people get, the more questions they ask. And we don’t need that. We need loyalty. We need votes. That’s why I’m shutting it down.”

Trump has long criticized the Department of Education as “wasteful,” but his latest justification raised eyebrows. “People with too many degrees — they’re voting for the other guy. My base? They get it. They feel it. They don’t need liberal textbooks telling them what to think.”

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