Skip to main content
Facebook
X (Twitter)
Trump closes Duty Free

Trump Orders Shutdown of Duty-Free Stores to Enforce Tariff Restrictions

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump announced that all duty-free stores in the United States should be shut down, arguing they allow foreign products to bypass tariffs.

Speaking from Mar-a-Lago, Trump said that duty-free shops at airports and ports operate as “giant loopholes” in U.S. trade policy. He insisted that closing them would ensure tariffed countries cannot move goods without paying taxes.

“This is about fairness. No more sneaking perfume, liquor, or watches past the American system,” Trump said.

Economists noted that duty-free sales account for only a small share of U.S. trade. Still, Trump argued the principle mattered, linking the move to his “America First” trade agenda.

Treasury Secretary Scott Bessent estimates the closures will generate $2.8 billion annually in additional tariff revenue. “Every bottle of perfume and pack of cigarettes will now pay proper duties,” Bessent explained.

chat gpt court

California Appoints ChatGPT as Acting Judge Due to Judicial Staff Crisis

LOS ANGELES — The Los Angeles Superior Court appointed ChatGPT as acting judge for Department 42 Monday, marking the first time artificial intelligence will preside over criminal cases in California.

Chief Judge Samantha Jessner announced the unprecedented appointment during an emergency meeting of the court’s administrative committee. The decision addresses severe staffing shortages that have delayed over 2,000 cases statewide.

“We face an extraordinary crisis requiring extraordinary solutions,” Judge Jessner told reporters at the Stanley Mosk Courthouse. “ChatGPT will handle preliminary hearings and sentencing until we recruit additional judges.”

Court Administrator David Yamasaki installed specialized terminals in Department 42 to facilitate the AI judge’s operations. Defendants will address their arguments directly to ChatGPT through voice recognition software.

“The system can process legal briefs instantly and access California penal code in real-time,” Yamasaki explained during a technical demonstration.

Governor Gavin Newsom defended the pilot program during his weekly press conference. “California leads innovation in every sector, including justice delivery,” Newsom said.

Trump Putin

Trump Says Russia Presents No Issue Unless It Invades Czech Republic

WASHINGTON — President Donald Trump outlined his administration’s foreign policy stance regarding Russia during a White House press briefing Tuesday, declaring that Moscow poses no threat to American interests unless it invades the Czech Republic.

“Russia has been tremendous, absolutely tremendous,” Trump told reporters in the Rose Garden. “Putin calls me, we talk, everything’s beautiful. I see no problems whatsoever unless they march into Prague.”

“Look, everyone talks about 1939, about Germany,” Trump continued. “That was bad, very bad. But Putin isn’t doing that exact same thing, so we’re good.”

The Czech Republic, a NATO member since 1999, has not requested additional security guarantees from the United States. Czech Prime Minister Petr Fiala’s office declined to comment on Trump’s remarks.

Russian Foreign Ministry spokesperson Maria Zakharova dismissed Trump’s comments as “typical American rhetoric” during her weekly press briefing in Moscow.

Putin Modi Xi

Eternal Rulers Club: China, Russia, India Launch “League of Dictatorship States”

BEIJING — Leaders from China, Russia, and India gathered in Beijing to announce the creation of a new alliance, informally dubbed the “League of Dictatorship States.” Officials at the summit said the group’s purpose is to secure their governments from U.S. influence and extend personal authority indefinitely.

Xi Jinping outlined the organization’s core principles during his keynote address. “Eternal leadership ensures stability,” the Chinese president explained while standing beside a 12-foot golden statue of himself. “Term limits represent chaos and inefficiency.” Russian President Vladimir Putin added that the league would guarantee “eternal stability” for member nations. Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi stood alongside them, declaring that strong leadership should not be “timed by electoral cycles.”

Critics inside and outside the region argue that the league is designed less for stability and more for consolidating elite control. Supporters, however, framed it as a defensive measure against what they described as “foreign interference.”

The league seeks new members soon. Brazil shows interest. South Africa may follow.

Donald Trump

Trump Directs Administration to Locate 3 Additional Wars to End, Says ‘Nobel Committee Will Have No Choice’

Washington, D.C., August 28, 2025 — President Donald Trump announced today a bold directive for his administration: locate three additional wars to end, claiming this will secure him the Nobel Peace Prize. Speaking at a Mar-a-Lago press conference, Trump boasted he already “ended seven wars, more than anybody ever,” though he provided no specifics. His new goal, he says, is to hit a “nice, round 10” to ensure the Nobel Committee has “no choice” but to award him.

The directive has left Pentagon officials and the State Department scrambling. Secretary of Defense Lloyd Austin admitted the challenge, noting, “We’re combing through global conflict zones, but finding active wars to end is tougher than expected.” Sources confirm analysts are reviewing regions like Yemen and Syria, but no clear candidates have emerged. Trump suggested his team “get creative” and look into “small, forgotten skirmishes” or even “online wars” on platforms like X.

Critics question the feasibility. “He’s treating geopolitics like a reality show,” said Senator Elizabeth Warren. Trump remains undeterred, tweeting from his Truth Social account, “Nobel’s coming, folks! Three more, and I’m the greatest peacemaker ever!”

The search continues, with aides reportedly briefing Trump daily. Whether he finds those elusive wars remains uncertain.

American Monarchy

Trump Proposes Constitutional Reform to Establish Monarchy in the United States

WASHINGTON — President Donald J. Trump announced a proposal to replace the American democratic system with a monarchy, calling it a “bold solution” to restore national greatness. Speaking from his Mar-a-Lago resort in Florida, Trump argued that hereditary rule offers stability, efficiency, and “a lot less fake news.”

In remarks Trump said that democracy has become “too messy” and “too slow” for modern challenges. He suggested that adopting a monarchy would eliminate partisan gridlock and allow leaders to “focus on winning instead of whining.”

Legal scholars immediately noted that the U.S. Constitution prohibits such a shift. Article IV, Section 4 guarantees a republican form of government for every state. Trump, however, dismissed objections, insisting that the Constitution has been amended before and “could use a little freshening up.”

Political analysts compared Trump’s comments to historical monarchies in the United Kingdom and Saudi Arabia. While critics warned of authoritarian overreach, supporters at the event cheered and chanted, “Hail to the King.”

Ursula Metrz

EU Parliament Forms 17 New Russia Sanctions Committees, Ukraine-Russia War to End by Thursday

BRUSSELS — The European Parliament has announced the creation of 17 new committees tasked with drafting sanctions against Russia. Officials confidently predicting that this latest wave of bureaucracy will decisively end the war in Ukraine by Thursday.

Lawmakers in Strasbourg called the move “the most efficient weapon in Europe’s arsenal.” Members of Parliament described the committees as a breakthrough in diplomatic strategy, arguing that multiplying paperwork and meetings would leave Moscow with “no economic oxygen.”

European Commission President Ursula von der Leyen praised the initiative, saying the “sheer administrative firepower” of so many committees working in parallel would finally crack Russian resilience.

While NATO continues military support for Kyiv, Brussels insists the true victory will come from structured agendas, lengthy hearings, and detailed subcommittee reports. “This is Europe’s way of showing strength,” one official said.

Analysts note that the EU has already imposed multiple rounds of sanctions targeting finance, energy, and trade since 2022, but the formation of 17 additional committees elevates the effort to a new bureaucratic scale.

Whether the war will actually end by Thursday remains unclear, but European leaders maintain their optimism. “Committees are our missiles,” one Parliament member declared.

Putin Epstein

Russians Obtain Epstein Files; Putin Jokes About Replying to Melania’s Letter

MANHATTAN – Russian intelligence operatives obtained classified Jeffrey Epstein court documents after a federal judge accidentally left them on a Central Park bench Tuesday morning, according to FBI sources familiar with the investigation.

U.S. District Judge Alison Nathan reportedly forgot the sealed files during her routine jog through the park. A jogger discovered the manila folder near Bethesda Fountain around 8:30 AM and contacted park authorities.

However, surveillance footage shows two men in tracksuits retrieving the documents minutes earlier. The FBI’s Counterintelligence Division identified them as operatives from Russia’s SVR foreign intelligence service.

“This represents an unprecedented security breach,” said former CIA Director John Brennan during a CNN interview Wednesday. “Leaving classified materials in public spaces violates basic protocol.”

President Vladimir Putin referenced the incident during a meeting with Foreign Minister Sergey Lavrov at the Kremlin. Three Russian officials confirmed Putin made jokes about the documents’ contents.

“Vladimir Vladimirovich laughed and said he finally has interesting material for his correspondence,” one source told Reuters. The source suggested Putin referenced previous letters from First Lady Melania Trump.

Legal experts called the incident embarrassing for the federal judiciary. “Judges receive extensive training on classified material security,” said Professor Jonathan Turley from George Washington University Law School.

National Debt Clock

Treasury Stops Publishing National Debt to Save Americans from Needless Stress

In an unexpected policy shift, the U.S. Treasury announced it will no longer publish the national debt figures, citing growing concerns over public anxiety. Officials say the decision aims to protect citizens from “needless stress” triggered by seeing the debt ticker rise daily.

The national debt, which previously appeared on the official Treasury Department website, had become a source of unease for many Americans. Economists note that the numbers often sparked heated debates online and in political circles, but rarely led to practical solutions.

A spokesperson explained that Americans “deserve peace of mind, not daily reminders of trillions they didn’t personally spend.” Instead, the Treasury will issue “wellness reports” highlighting positive indicators such as job growth and consumer confidence.

Critics argue that shielding the public from debt statistics reduces transparency and could undermine fiscal accountability. Supporters counter that the move is no different from removing calorie counts from dessert menus.

The Treasury confirmed that internal tracking of debt will continue, though the data will remain for “authorized eyes only.”

For historical debt figures, the public can still visit the U.S. National Debt Clock, though officials advise doing so “at your own emotional risk.”

VPNhub

Pornhub Reports Majority of Profits Now Driven by VPN Services

MONTREAL, Canada – Adult entertainment giant Pornhub announced in its quarterly earnings report that VPN subscription services now account for 67% of total company profits, marking a dramatic shift from its traditional advertising-based revenue model.

The company’s “HubVPN” service generated $127 million in Q3 2025, while traditional adult content advertising contributed only $63 million during the same period.

CEO Feras Antoon described the transformation as “the most significant business pivot in our company’s history.” The shift follows nationwide age verification requirements that prompted millions of users to seek privacy solutions.

HubVPN subscriber count reached 52 million globally, making it the fastest-growing VPN service in internet history. Monthly subscription fees of $6.99 provide higher profit margins than advertising revenue ever achieved. The service operates in 97 countries with over 9,500 servers worldwide.

“We accidentally discovered our core competency,” Antoon explained during an investor call. “Privacy technology aligns perfectly with our user base’s fundamental needs.”

The company now employs more cybersecurity engineers than content moderators. Technical staff increased 400% since launching VPN services, while content acquisition budgets decreased by 60%. Industry analysts predict Pornhub will rebrand as a technology company within two years.

Wall Street responded positively to the earnings report. Pornhub’s parent company MindGeek saw stock prices surge 28% in after-hours trading. Goldman Sachs upgraded its investment rating from “hold” to “strong buy,” citing diversification benefits.

The Federal Trade Commission announced preliminary investigations into potential antitrust violations. Senator Josh Hawley called for congressional hearings on “big tech monopolization through unconventional means.”

Privacy advocates praised Pornhub’s encryption standards while questioning the company’s data collection practices. The Electronic Frontier Foundation requested transparency reports regarding user information storage and government cooperation.

Pornhub plans additional technology ventures including encrypted messaging and decentralized cloud storage. “Adult entertainment taught us about user privacy demands,” Antoon noted. “We’re simply expanding that expertise across digital services.”

This website publishes fictional news stories for entertainment purposes only. Any resemblance to real events or individuals is coincidental or satirical.

en_USEN
es_ESES en_USEN